days and nights at school

before i blog, i'd just like to say that i don't have much time to come online lately. i don't have much time to chat or reply msgs. sorry.


sounds of music, sounds of laughter.
and chit chats at the corner of every music cubicles.
jalan-jalan and makan-makan.
studies of rush for examination papers.
movie nights at school with beloved friends.
never a left out space for loneliness and guilt.
happy smiles, a cheerful face, a pat on the shoulder.
a friendly greet, a sweet sound of welcome and comfort.
a little sun ray a day. a little brighter my life.
a new hope, a great journey ahead.


this all brought to me staying over at school. i feel so at home when i have them around me. i love their company. i love music. so about my days and nights.....
main objective daddy send me to school is to study. yes i have been studying. and yes i have een enjoying my time at school too. i stayed over last night n here i am blogging with my friend's laptop at school. yes it's 1.45am now. that means, im staying over school again. what i ejoy most here, is spending time with coursemates and seniors. they are a lovely bunch. what we do that's so interesting, we have movie nights at school, where Ed brought his LCD projector to school and we watched ghost movies. last night, we watched Ten Ways To See Ghosts (if i'm not wrong). the previous movie we watched was Phobia. quite interesting. the fun of it was watchng it with my dear friends. i can watch any movie at home any day, any time. but i'd rather choose to spend time at school with these lovely people. other thing we do is, go out to eat together. our seniors would take us out to eat, and yeah, we'll just chat away and enjoy each other's company. they cometimes jam together too, improvising songs. it nice to see people share the same interest and enjoy it with you.

崇拜 by Fish Leong

崇拜
作詞：陳沒　作曲：彭學斌　編曲：陳建騏


你的姿態你的青睞　我存在在你的存在
你以為愛就是被愛　你揮霍了我的崇拜

我活了　我愛了　我都不管了　心愛到瘋了恨到算了就好
了可能的　可以的　真的可惜了　幸福好不容易怎麼你卻不敢了呢

我還以為我們能　不同於別人
我還以為不可能的　不會不可能

你的姿態你的青睞　我存在在你的存在
你以為愛就是被愛　你揮霍了我的崇拜

風箏有風海豚有海　我存在在我的存在
所以明白　所以離開　所以不再為愛而愛　自己存在　在你之外



Pinyin Version, for bananas like me.


Chong Bai by Fish Leong

Ni de zhi tai Ni de qing lai

Wo chun zhai zhai ni de chun zhai

Ni yi wei ai Jiu shi bei ai

Ni hui huo le wo de chong bai

Wo huo le Wo ai le Wo dou bu guan le

Xin ai dao feng le hen dao suan le jiu hao le

Ke neng de Ke yi de Zhen de ke xi le

Xin fu hao bu rong yi zhen me ni que bu gan le ne

Wo hai yi we wo men neng bu tong yu bie ren

Wo hai yi wei bu ke neng de bu hui bu ke neng

Wo huo le Wo ai le Wo dou bu guan le

Xin ai dao feng le hen dao suan le jiu hao le

Ni de zhi tai Ni de qing lai

Wo chun zhai zhai ni de chun zhai

Ni yi wei ai Jiu shi bei ai

Ni hui huo le wo de chong bai

Feng zheng you feng Hai tun you hai

Wo chun zhai zhai wo de chun zhai

Suo yi ming bai Suo yi li kai

Suo yi bu zai wei qi er ai

Zhi ji chun zhai Zhai ni zhi wai

Loving My Music Peoples.

recently, i've been spending my free time at school. suppose to study though. right now blogging because i can't concentrate in my studies. borrowed my friend's laptop to blog to feel a bit more relaxed. i know music is a tough course and it gets intense. no pain no gain. but despite all the ups and downs, trials, success and failure, i know i'll have my coursemates, and dear koko jie jie seniors to guide me along the way. i love them all. FAMILY.

yesterday i was supposed to study at school again. but i spent some time with some coursemates at 1Borneo. then after that, i went back to the music cubicle. studied a bit. talked to Jeremia a bit. then some seniors came in. right at that time, i was studying for my Kadazandusun language. there was this word "tontolu" which meant Monday/egg in kadazandusun. then they teased and scolded Jeremia playfully, saying what's he teaching me? hahaha. since that word sounds quite close to another vulgar word. after that, some 2nd n 1st yr students, n Hei Ling invited me to go to ODEC, which is a part of UMS. i forgot what it stands for. i think it roughly stands for outdoor development centre if im not wrong. ODEC is very pretty. i like the beach there. we had so much fun on the swings. gosh. i've been naughty. well, after ODEC, i had my McD dinner. and Hei Ling, my 3rd yr senior, cooked maggi for me. i felt touched. then i continued with my studies a bit. but i guess it wasnt much. sigh. daddy phoned me and ask if i wanted him to come at 8pm. i ask him to extend the time to 10pm, daddy said for every "A" i score, he will rive me RM100. knowing all i did was enjoy at school. however, my friends, mix n adb called me out for a drink n supper at 9.30+ pm. they arrived around 10pm. we went to salim. i jus had plain water. then after that, went home straight. i reached home at roughly 11pm. that's roughly what i did yesterday.



no matter what's up ahead, not knowing how great or painful the future lies, i can smile and say that i'm not alone. i've got my family, friends and loved ones to back me up along the way. i don't need to be in a relationship to be happy and i hope to show all my friends who just broke up that the same goes with them too. you know who you are. God bless. ;)

Loving my uni life, music peoples.

i'll just share a bit of my past few days happenings. i don't really have much time blogging these few weeks due to exams. have been enjoying in uni life lately. yes it gets tough, yes, music is a really busy course to take. it take a lot of practice and skills. but having loved ones around me, makes me feel blessed. i have a great bunch of friends and seniors. my 3rd year seniors are going to graduate soon. and it does kick in a sad feeling but i'm proud of them. they just had their final recital, for orchestra song composition. their solo recital, last Friday. yes, it was a crucial and hectic moment for them, but they did great! really impressed and proud of them. we just had our MCP dinner last night. it was quite fun. the theme was rock.

because of MCP dinner, i went with 3 of my coursemates to wisma to buy theirs outfits last Thursday. i left UMS(padahal, my daddy wanted me to go to school to study for my exams. so don't tell my dad.) with them to go to KK. went to Yee Fung for their breakfast. it's famous for its laksa. i was a bit embarrassed because i had already went there with my daddy for breakfast before i went to UMS. after that we went shopping for their clothes. i had fun. after that we went back to UMS. then a while later, daddy arrived to pick me home. reaching home, i gto ready for Yoke Tin's birthday. celebrated her birthday at KKbox. unfortunatly i don't have pictures of that night. after that i went to play pool with Sam, Bobby, Sieh Lou & Mixson. was so funny playing with them. i do enjoy friendship with different groups.

Friday, i was busy at school. watch 3rd yr's solo final recital performance. after that, i studied for my kadazandusun language, my first exam paper coming this wednesday. Jeremia taught me a bit. after that went 3rd year's final recital practice. helped out a bit but daddy came to pick me not long after that. i spent the night at kkbox again. this time with bobby, samuel, mixson and his gf. i enjoy singing although i'm not good at it.

Saturday, watched 3rd yr's Orchestra composition. really impressed. imagined myself conducting my own orchestra 3yrs ahead. hehe. after that snapped pics with most of them. had prom that night. after tat went to atmosphere, yayasan sabah, with a bunch of my friends.

A little more relaxed, but more ahead.

Ah! had my last class and last presentation today. felt so much more relaxed after that. have been worried about my presentation for the past few days. now that its over, i feel burden is off my shoulders. however, it's study week. need to burn the midnight oil for study(or just go online? :x). my exam paper starts on 22nd of this month. i doubt i'll do well, but let's see what's in store for me. ;)

today i spent some time in the music cubicle with other course mates n seniors. boy, did i enjoy myself on the drums. it was a fun and funny experience. had a couple of guys teaching me. "tuk tuk tak.. tuk tuk tuk tak." that's what i learnt from Jeremia. heard David playing the tenor saxophone and Sam on the piano. that inspired me to learn the saxophone more. i'll try to convince my parents in getting me a saxophone. thinking of taking it as my minor. or maybe i should take vocal lessons? hopefully in the near future, i can create my own album. i don't intend to be famous, but i hope i can come up with my own album.


i took a survey on facebook today. it's entitled: Are you Still in Love with your Ex?

and the result was:

You're Almost there!
You're this close to complete freedom! Your attitude about your breakup is healthy and shows that you've put in the time and effort to move on with your life. Good for you! Are you dating again? Spending more time with your girl/guy friends? Enjoying your free nights to do your nails, or playing video games, watch reality TV, or just do as you please? We thought so. Sure, every once in a while you might think about him/her, but that's normal. You're moving on with your life and so is he/she.


i don't know how true these surveys are but at least it's an encouragement to help me get over it completely. ya. actually right now i'm more relaxed. i haven't cried over my ex- for a long time now. i may think of him sometimes, but it only goes to show that i ever cared. i still do care, but only as friends. i don't want to talk much about this. i'm just happy with everything lately.

somtimes it seems like life is going wrong, when we're all messed up with so many of life's challenges, we tend to give up and feel it's unfair why we're going through so much drama, while other's are having such a good time in life. but life's challenges only make us stronger. just ENDURE it(to cc, *winks. always say that to me). ya, in time, you'll realize that it has made a better you. so what if others have a luxurious life, and its so perfect? what's life without challenges? what are you with no achievements of your own? all your achievements are worth more than what money can buy. at least you are a something in life. what you've made of yourself, no one can take away. money? anyone can take it away any day. money is power in the world today? ya, but they can never be satisfied. don't live a life of money and greed. plant seeds of love and friendship. passion and career. that's what worth your time.

i'm not just any girl

So here's what's bothering me today.

don't ask me silly questions. don't think i'm just like any other girl that's easy to get. don't assume that you can take advantage of me. i've been through so much that's enough to open my eyes to the world. don't ask me for my number if we are not acquainted in any way. if you want my number you have to earn it. even if your intention is only for friendship. i'd rather you get to know me better before you do so. i do not like having Hi Bye Friends.

don't ask me for chance or don't say you love me if you don't mean it. don't expect a yes from me. things need steps and process. i won't give in easily. if i like you back, i don't intend to have a fast paced relationship. i like it slow and steady. don't take advantage of me.

don't ask me for a one night stand, hoping i'd say yes. i WILL turn your offer down. i'm not just any girl who likes to have fun without limits. i know my limit and please understand that. even if i'm in love or whatsoever with you, it's still NO. i may be full of surprises but i m not CHEAP.respect me please. love = respect.

Di-stress me please.

Due to late night sleeps, around 4 or 5am almost every night, i didn't have much sleep last night. probably had only 3 or 4 hrs of slp. today i had to wake up at about 8++am. i had class at 11am. thought i'd have powerpoint presentation. so got up early to get ready. took me about 1 hour to get dressed because had to wear formal clothing for our presentation. despite all that effort, our group wasn't chosen for today's presentation. sigh. all that preparation for nothing. during class, i received an sms from a friend. she asked if i was free or having lectures. i didn't have credit to reply. the moment i reached home (around 2pm), i called her immediately to ask her what was up. she told me she needed help in editing her drama script. so i agreed to help her. after all, i was the one who wrote the script for them so i kinda know the ups and downs of the drama script. we went to Yoyo. we finished at about 6pm. i reached home almost around 6.30pm. i rushed to get ready because my cousin told me he would be coming to pick me up at 7pm n he was on time. we went to citymall to have a quick walk and drink. his brother had guitar lessons n finished at 7.30pm. so yeah. after that we headed for my cousin's plc. i didn't realize my phone inbox was full. my phone was in my bag, on the bar counter of my cousin's plc. at about 9+pm, i realized Wendy msged me that there was violin practise which i did not now of, going on at that moment. it was too late for me to go. went for movies with my cousin and his students. then after that, we had supper around towering centre. it was about12am. suddenly received another msg from Wendy saying we had violin exam the next day. and performance on sat. so there will be rehaersal on friday. that instance, i felt like vomiting. all of a sudden, my head kept working. STRESS. i was already feeling very tired from not enough sleep and non-stop activities. in my head, i was thinking. omg. how to practise in the middle of the night? everyone is asleep. i know i wont be able to slp due to too much thinking and worrying about the exam. we are all stil new to learning violin. our lecturer expects us to know all three songs. he will randomly pick 2 songs out of the three to play for our exam. we only learnt 1 song fully. halfway learning through the second song. n the third not even started yet. class was even cancelled last week. most my friends don't even have music background. isn't it a little too much to expect from us? when i reached home, i called Wendy immediately to ask about tomorrow. was so sorry and guilty to have woken her up. she told me the exam should be about 7pm. that eased the stress a little. but still, i didn't think that would be enough time to learn through. i know right now i should lay down n try to get some sleep. hopefully that would work out for me. i can't imagine the work load that i'll go through when i wake up later. just wish us luck and may God bless us. thank you.

Lulu

i thought i'd write about something different today. decided to write about Lulu instead. Lulu is the latest addition to my family. Daddy bought her almost around the end of last year. Why the name "Lulu"? daddy named her Lulu because both my sisters n i have our name's initials starting with the letter "L". so it was obvious then since she is a female. she has her own chinese name too. since my elder sister's is 咏爱，my younger sister, 文爱，and me, 恩爱，daddy decided to call her 可爱. daddy's romantic, right? always coming up with names with the word 爱. i can't imagine myself having another daddy other than him. he's the best in the world.

wait a minute... i haven't mention what's Lulu. Lulu is our family dog. she's a pure chihuahua (at least that's what we were told), the furry breed. she's about 7months old now. very active puppy. but also very smart. we've not quite taught her any tricks yet, because she always loses her focus. she's easily distracted by her surroundings. she knows how to poop in the toilet. she finally learnt to climb upstairs about last month or the previous month. since she finally made it up, it became a new surrounding. guess what? she didn't adapt herself that well, n pooped around upstairs. she's quite naughty indeed.

we also have a cat at home. his name is Neko. he belongs to my elder sister. he's normally only home during meal times and nap times. the rest of the day, he'll be out finding his mate, which reminds me, he use used to have his mating call that's loud and goes like this: "nggooiii ngooii nggooooi nggoooii nnggoooii". weird from a cat, huh? but we don't hear that now. when he's home, if we pet him, Lulu would be jealous and try to steal our attention away from neko. she'll bark and jump around. Neko normally sleeps on the couch. recently, Lulu learnt how to jump on the couch. probably learnt that from Neko because Neko is allowed to do so.

Lulu loves to be played with. if u'd step on a cloth or mat, she'll bite it and try to grab it away from you with her mouth. then, she'll shake her head. it's very cute. she knows how to stand on her own two feet. that's when ur holding something interesting that grabs her attention. for instance, food. with guidance, she can walk or hop at least a meter just to get her food. she can also turn around for about 3 times on her two feet. she's full of surprises. and we love her a lot even though sometimes she can be a bundle full of mischief besides being a bundle of joy.

Lulu

Lulu and the cloth

Snacking

Being Sexy

i recommend you to watch the movie "Marley and Me" if you haven't. it's a very nice movie about a dog and its owners. it's very touching.

Marley and Me

Love and Relationships in my point of view.

don't know what to blog about tonight. but a friend was asking if i'd update my blog. a fan? lols.. flattered. decided to talk about a quite general topic, love and relationships. relationships can be bitter or sweet. no matter how sweet a relationship can be, it is never easy. if you want it working out, you need to work hard. keeping things in line is often hard. if you don't work hard for something, you won't succeed unless you're really blessed like in striking a $50 million lottery ticket, right? a relationship turned sour can always result to hurt often to one party. a best friend once said, "no matter how much u love a person, love goes 2 ways. if it's a one way street, someone's gonna end up hurting." it's true. i know so because i experienced it and i bet many of u have too.


here's what i think about love

love = sacrifices
because we love someone, we tend to make sacrifices. it's nice to know once in a while our love one makes a little sacrifice for you. but sometimes, make big silly ones taking risks. Hear me out, think it over and through before u do so. you won't want to regret. think about what's best for you both. i made silly sacrifices, like turning down studies away from my hometown because he didn't want me far from him. realized i should have taken the offer for study. he wasn't even worth my future.

love = commitment
if you love someone and intend to go steady with em', then show your commitment and loyalty. yes, it ain't easy. if you can't stay committed then don't start the relationship. not saying you shouldn't be with that other half, but i think that without commitment, the relationship wouldn't last anyway.

love = sweet
Love can result in sweet. it's no doubt that you'll have moments where you'll get swept off your feet. broken relationship can always be cherished. i bet you'd had your sweet moments when you were with your ex-es too in the past rite?

love = hurt
it's because u love someone that you get hurt. you won't bother that much if someone you don't like doesn't like you back. but if you love someone and he doesn't love you back it does hurt. Love isn't just a chapter of sweet happenings. if you don't have hurt, how do you know what is pleasure and what can result into happiness?

love = roller coaster ride
it goes up and down, round and round. it's exciting and sometimes scary.

love = mystery
sometimes we don't know what to expect. do we?

love = trust
if you love someone, trust them. if they really love you back, they won't let you down. if there's doubt in a relationship, it can lead to instability.

love = respect
always respect your other half. respect them, their body parts, their family, their friends, their interest, their all.

love = accepting
if you can accept a person for who he/she is then that is love. love should be unconditional where you don't have to set rules.

love = treasure
always treasure and cherish the one you love, like he/she is a piece of priceless jewel. don't wait til you've lost that person then regret. live your todays like there's no tomorrow.

love = inspiration
love should be about helping each other. through thick or thin. an inspiration to work harder to make a better person out of one's self. growing maturely together, thus making a better future for each other.

love = sharing
sharing everything together. hurt, sorrow, joy, happiness, achievement, hardship, loss, you name it all. that's what makes a relationship grow.

love = company
take time out to spend with your loved ones. enjoy their company. after all, it's more than friendship.


In my view, you don't have to be with the one you love. as long as the one you love is happy with whosoever then that is what matters. sometimes love isn't about being together. it's about having your love ones being happy. what's the point of being with someone you love but not being happy? isn't it better to see the one you love being happy even though he/she is with someone else? yes it does hurt. but at least he/she is happy. this is what i call true love. maybe it's just the wrong timing or he's just not the one. there might be someone better in store for you. the truth is, you just never know. :)


to my ladies out there, remember this:
no guy is worth your tears. the guy that's worth your tears will never make you cry.

Oh?

Just to get things straight. I've been hearing funny stories of me going around. Although most aren't quite true, it makes me giggle and laugh hearing it. Just let me have a say on this. U can judge me however u want, it's up to u. but i'll convey from my part here.


1. was quite shocking to hear a friend asking me, was it me who broke up with my previous ex for another guy?
- No. i did not. in fact i wasn't the one who broke off with him out of a 3 and a half years relationship. i can tell u that i was loyal. if u don't believe that pffftt... just my luck? As to why we broke up, it wasn't my problem and decision. todate, i don't really know the full reason myself. i refuse to put a word out as to why he broke off with me, if not, u'd judge him the wrong way too. i don't want and need you to sympathize me nor think that im the victim in this relationship. i just want to get it straight that i did not PLAY him.

2. the fact that many think i'm playing with guys' hearts?
- First and foremost, i've already made up my mind that i don't want to go steady at this time around. i'm only intending friendship at the moment. going out or just casually dating a guy doesn't mean that i'm interested in a relationship. it's not my fault if i get asked out on a date is it? i do tell them that i don't want to go steady, at least not at the moment. i do have a lot of guy friends n i do enjoy their company. can't i have guys to be my friends? i m not interested to go further.
- 2nd in mind, shouldn't i have my own choice of men? instead, do you want me to know this one guy, fall for him, then go steady with him, get to know him more, then find out he's not the one then break off with him. then go for another guys, n do it repeatedly. now isn't that considered more to playing? what im doing is just, going out, getting to know others a lot better, instead of starting a relationship then getting to know that someone better. it's better to know he's not the one before starting up the relationship, don't u think?
- however, i'm only human to like or fall for someone. and i don't deny that i "did", but we didn't turn out in the end because i didn't want to start anything too soon. problem was on me. not him. i did tell him that he's free to swim in his own sea and catch sight of any "fishes" around him. i can't blame him if he does find someone new. i did not grab hold of him. n yes, glad 4 him that he's got someone new. God bless. =)

3. people pity me because of my recent break up?
- thx but don't need to feel bad for me. in fact, it's the best solution for now. life doesn't always work out the way we plan or want. although it was a painful process, i'm learning a lot along the way. when a door closes, another one opens. bonds with other people are stregthen. when i was with him, i never had that chance. things don't always have only its negative sides. there's always a positive side in life. it also opened my eyes wider to the world and reality that love and life isn't always sweet. it just so happened that i got the bad side of it but don't worry, im getting stronger.
- i sometimes tend to feel upset, but it's not about my ex. he's not what's bothering me. i don't deny that i miss him a lil sometimes, but it only means he's only a cherished past but a closed chapter of future relationships. what's on my mind is a different story. figuring it out. cheers to a better life =)

4. m i in a relationship?
- like i've said, no. i am single but not available. ;)

maybe u've heard quite different versions of my life's happenings. i've just had my share on what to say. it's up to you to believe which is the right one. i don't intend that u must believe mine. as long as i got my say, whatever u think doesnt matter because i know what is really happening around my side, my true friends and family know the true me, n yeah, that's what really matters. u can judge me however u like. cheers

Sing the night away

Today had quite a normal day i guess. I was sick last night so didn't manage to go out. today felt so much better. In the afternoon didn't feel that well so decided to skip school. i msged Wendy that i wasn't going for class. guess what? class was cancelled. my illness saved me from going to school for nothing. i slept at about 3pm and woke up at 6pm. felt better although, was still sick. tired but not sleepy. was invited to go clubbing at Barsu, watch Horror movies or sing K. In the end, decided to join my friends for karaoke tonight. wasn't up for clubbing cos i just got a little well, n besides, i've already spent too much time drinking and dancing for the past few weeks already. i'm so into watching horror movies but i decided to go sing K instead. afterall, i watched movie on thursday night n tonite i thought i'd be more comfortable with that bunch of friends. and yes, i enjoyed my night singing away. u should join me sum time. =) still hyped up for singing, but daddy gave me a 2am curfew, since i have church in the morning and class at 12.30pm. it'll be a long and boring class but i guess i've no choice. Attached some pics below.

Kent Picking some songs

^^

CFC

Compilation of me

Us

Free that poor soul.

Ah. what a day. i manage to have 7hrs of sleep today. although tired, it's better than the pass few days having lack of sleep. more relaxed today. maybe because i'm taking my step in getting closer to God again. i guess God is filling the emptiness in me. praise the Lord.
i went for jogging with cfc today. we went to Taman Rimba. n yes, i've not been active for God knows how long. walked for 1 round. then decided to forced myself to jog 1 round nonstop, if not cannot go home. i was glad i made it. so, YAY, i can go home. it was very tiring indeed. felt like vomiting. cfc jogged for another round. so i walked alone around the playground area thinking. after cfc's jog, he came to me and we chat for a bit. talked a little about my problems. n then, my heart started hurting not literally but in reality. don't know if it was due to not exercising for so long or basically the hurt that im going through lately. was okay a while later. guess it was from jogging then.

after that went home, bath and got ready for movie outing with Oscar, his bro, Ah Yung and May. we watched The Shinjuku Incident. not my average kind of movie but it was quite a nice movie. i'd giv it a rough 7.5star rating. reached home at 11.30pm. Finally had my dinner. then here i am. blogging. i know what i had was quite a short day. at least im more relaxed today. =)


here's some songs i'd like to share:



Lord i will bow to You





Carry Me





From The Inside Out

A Friend?

Life is full of many kinds of people. people walk in and out of our lives. but what's a friend?
for me, there's two kinds.
1. Hi Bye Friends
2. True Friends

i don't know about u guys, but for me, everyone's a friend. u can judge me and say that some of my friends are hi bye friends and aren't worth my time, effort and worse still, hurt. but i can tell you that everyone is in need of a friend, and no matter what, i'll treat any kind of friend as a friend. yes, i've been hurt frequently by friends. like if i go out with a friend, another friend would say : fine, we're not friends anymore. it's not the easiest decision in the world to make. every friend of mine is precious and i don't hope i have to choose between any, but of course true friends come first lah. i'm just letting this out because i don't want to leave it a scar in me. i'm just glad that i'm blessed with many true friends. and please understand my condition.

i'm not the greatest friend the world has to offer. if i ever hurt any of you i apologise from deep down within. i'd also like to thank everyone who has been there for me, on my hardest falls. i know im not easy to tolerate especially when im down. i can tell u that what im going through now is not easy, in fact, i don't think i've ever faced somthing this hard in my life before. i can't reli express this feeling. i'm totally sorry i have to be this way and it's not my intentions. i'll get back to ME as soon as i can according to my capability okay? I DO LOVE YOU GUYS.

Still too much thinking

Recently i don't know what's up with me. for the past 3months, i've been out almost everyday. Finally stopped that habit, at least not too often. haven't been out till late night since Sunday, so it's been four days now. however, i had a really busy day today at Uni. i only manage to sleep at about 5am. while lying down in bed, i felt hungry at roughly 3.30am. was so tempted to eat maggi(delicious in the mind), so then i got up and made myself maggi. but after cooking my maggi, eating it didn't seem as tasty as imagined. utility sut berkurangan? had maggi for the past few days too. after eating, played sudoku on my phone. n then read some archie comics. finally fell tired n slpt. Dady woke me up at 8+am. got ready for school. my class starts at 11am, but daddy wanted to take me to pay for my school fees so had to go early. had a rough 2hours of Teknik & Kemahiran Belajar, although did not have to present powerpoint for today. It was due to seeing others go through presentation and getting bombed by the lecturer. he's the opposite of lineant and extra kindhearted. so ya, you can imagine the pressure we had. maybe that's his way of making us work hard, so yeah, understood. just hopefully he won't be so hard on my group for our presentation that's yet to come. after that, had SPS Grand recital. was a great one indeed. enjoyed everyone's performance. The lecturers do have a lot of talent, same goes with students. i will try upload some of their performances if i can. will update you on that. Grand recital finish at about 5pm. i helped with carrying some instruments. will upload some of the instruments wen i get card reader's adapter. so tired after that. went to the music cubicle after that. mummy had already gone home so i had to wait for daddy to pick me instead, which was after his work. since i had so much spare time, i decided to practice my electone. praticed for a while, then my third year senior came in. chitchat with her for about 1/2-1hour. she's really nice. shared with her about music, what i should take as my minor for next semester. and we shared about our ex-es. didn't know she was dating one of our coursemates as well. *winks*
she invited me to join their orchestra practise starting from 7-10pm. so well, i agreed. called daddy. but i only stayed til 8.30/9pm. cos i din feel well. in the car, i expressed to daddy how i've been feeling lately. n yeah, i cried but i don't know why. daddy think it's cos im lonely or because Andrew B. psychoed me. haha. but daddy summed up that i might have slight depression or maybe too stressed with school. daddy thinks maybe i don't want to study. honestly, in me, im not sure if i want to or not. music studies is not as easy as what everyone might think. my school/faculty (School of Arts) is the busiest school in UMS. we often stay over school for practises. and yes, it is stressful. i didn't want to mention about quiting school. afterall, daddy had just paid my school fees. of course i didn't want make daddy sad or disappointed. i know daddy loves me so much. for that, i'll try my best, show daddy that im worth something. went home then. mummy cooked one of my favourites especially for me. fried sotong. little things like these shows mummy love me as well. now, how could i let my mummy down too right? i just know im BLESSED! i know God never forsakes me. He's always watching over me. this makes me want to come back to God more. At the hardest corners of my life, He's always been there to show me little things that represents His undying love and that He's never left me. i just wish i can fully break the wall that's a barrier from me to Him. working on it. God bless everyone! =)


No Greater Love




Draw Me Close

Too much thinking

Ah, it's been a while since i last blogged. had too much on my mind i wanted to share or blurt out which brought me back to blogging. craving to blog due to chong chyi's and carol's interesting blogs. it's been bothering me for quite a bit. Something's wrong with me lately. Late night outings, drinking alcohol , insomnia, headache, need for company especially guys. Thus, expressing myself here might help. Well.... hopefully. Probably due to heavy load of assignments and midterm exams. Final sem exams coming up as well. but i can't tell u enough about how much im wanting the semester break to start. looking forward to meeting my good ol' buddies. missing them a lot.

it's just the start of the day and i haven't any interesting happenings of today to type about. i'll just share a little thought on what i've experienced with guys. i've dated guys of different species types. From nerds to players. From school stars to school dropouts. i've been played for at least 3 times, not to forget being dumped a day before VAL's day. almost raped twice, which thankfully did not occur. The one kind i've not quite had were the gentle and sentimental ones. it would be nice to be paid attention to once in a while. i've just had a break up almost 5 months ago. and boy, was i blind and naive. i guess i can categorize him under the "lala and ah beng" species. trust me, don't date them if you intend to have a LOYAL and long lasting relationship. your chances are 2 out of 100 that it will last and is worth your time.

One funny incident i've had back in 2004 while dating one of my ex-es was that he asked me for sex, which back then i made an excuse of saying im a christian and did not want to get involved in it. his pathetic answer was, "scared what? scared Jesus see? we do in the dark lah.. Jesus can't see." of course i broke off with him after that. due to dating this guy, my next bf thought i was sexable more than open-minded and wanted to get physical with me. and yes, i dumped him after that. guys can be cruel wolves. it's rare (chances of 15%) to find AVAILABLE guys that will love you for who u are n not for lust. the nicest guys are mostly taken (not talking about married men here. excludes our dads). call me if you’re one the the 15%. See why i'd rather be single? i don't say i regret having dated jerks in the past, because i'll always keep in mind what one of my bestfriends told me, "You need to date a lot of jerks before you get to meet THE ONE". i agree with that because it opens up the naive side of me and through experience, i get to know what's true love in a sense that i'll know if he really means what say and do for me. For now, i'll just go with the flow and what comes naturally. no more jerks for the moment. =)

i'll share more next time if u want to know more.

Love is Accepting.
Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is call unconditional love. When your love IS conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.

Love is Appreciating.
Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. Its when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.

Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.
We want those we love to be happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. We want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.